After the resounding success of the previous post about my sister I decided to take matters in hand and celebrate with my masculine prose the imminent release of the film "New Moon" through a summary of the plot of the book:
The day of the eighteenth birthday of Bella Swan, the Cullen family held a grand party with women, alcohol and heroin in rivers. Before he lost the directions for the overdose, Edward decided to give her gift to the girl. "How kind, a knife to cut the meat favoring my soul deep and desperate!" Bella roared with a strange cry in falsetto, while the coca puffs coming out of both nostrils. The girl immediately began to affect his arms in the fashion Emo, but this seemed somehow excite the young Jasper, who already was angry with her for having a name like that. Given the massive erection of Jasper, Edward sensed the danger and decided to move his entire family in Hawaii. "But I was happy here!" protested Uncle Alfredo "Shut up, you in this book does not even exist," replied Edward, "Shit, it's true!" concluded Uncle Alfred, disappearing with a loud bang. Following the departure of Edward, Bella fell into depression, and suicidal tendencies were accentuated and Emo exponentially, helping to make an outcast of society who was on the cock at all (yes, as if it were earlier). After a while, the girl struck a close friendship with Jacob, who turned out to be a werewolf when little slyly, he decided to take her to bed one night of full moon. "You know," Jacob said, picking his teeth with the clavicle of a peasant "the wolves are the worst enemies of the vampires" "Since when?" Bella asked, confused. "But from the movie Underworld, of course!" said Jacob. And to prove it, saved the spot by two vampire characters children have come to avenge the death of a character who died earlier that everyone had already forgotten, as the intellectual level of the average fan of Twilight is anything but sublime, then much less memory. But I digress. However, Bella for some reason (perhaps because of the massive drug use or blood loss caused by his repeated attempts suicide) was discovered in his head he heard the voice of Edward when he was extreme activities like bungee jumping into volcanos, beaten to death as passers-by using a stick or attach alligator eyes Chuck Norris for more than three seconds. All this for some distorted reason, drives a seer stoned to think that Bella wants to commit suicide (which indeed was true, as she was Emo - but anyway). A phone call dubious and somewhat soft porn between Jacob and Edward does believe that his beautiful young vampire (ah, ah) is dead, thrown into a state of frustration and anxiety typically Emo. In Italy, Edward meets the super-mega-hyper-robot-zombie-vampire apocalypse, better known as "Volturi" or "Andreotti". "I want to die, ugly bastards!" cried to them, with streams of tears that gushed from his eyes and trails of slime that dripped on his chin. "Why?" asked the Volturi. "Because I hate the fact that my beautiful (ha ha) is dead." Then the Volturi buffeted him and reproached him: "You should be ashamed! If you hate something you should not say, do not give anyone anything, you're an ignoramus!" "And who the fuck is that you think so?" asked Edward. "The fans of this saga, judging by the comments to previous post!" Volturi answered, breaking the fourth wall (I know you have no idea what it is. Eh, eh). Bella suddenly appeared from nowhere with a loud bang from the smell of sulfur, shouting, "Stop! Do not kill him!" "We did not want to kill him, bitch, though for some reason you have to die or become a vampire, a zombie or a mummy! Buahahah!" chuckled the Volturi. "Geese!" said the two lovers, Italianate pronunciation to fit the environment. "I love you, dovey!" Edward rooting when they were gone. "You are my big boy!" she said, stroking the tresses adorned with pink ribbons. "Marry me!" he said. "Okay, I melts me," said Bella, disappearing in a cloud of sulfur.
END ...?
0 comments:
Post a Comment